I feel like it's totally obvious that something's up, and have this fear that everyone already knows or has a suspicion. The not drinking has been the big "giveaway" I'm worried about. My birthday was just a few days after we learned we were pregnant, and we went out to dinner with a bunch of family and friends. I stuck to water. But normally I might have had a margarita or something (since we were having Mexican). Then the weekend after Thanksgiving, we went out to a winery for dinner for your grandparent's anniversary. Everybody except me and daddy ordered wine. Daddy was on call for work, and couldn't drink, plus he had gotten food poisoning a day or so before and had a very sensitive stomach. But, it must have looked unusual that I wasn't having any wine. I used the excuse that I had to drive out there because daddy was feeling so sick and weak (which was true), and thus couldn't have any wine. But I couldn't help feeling like it was still totally obvious. And then this last weekend was our friend Alicia and Cheyne's 30th birthday celebration. I arranged with the waiter to bring me a virgin mojito, but to pretend it was alcoholic. Except he kind of played it up a little too much (he handed it to me and claimed it was a "double shot", and then snatched it back and looked at the receipt before giving it back and asking me to take a sip to be sure it was right) -- right in front of Alicia. I have a feeling she already suspects because I was complaining to her a couple of weeks ago about being tired and she asked "are you pregnant"... to which I quickly stammered out a "no" and a really lame excuse. Next week I fly out to Boston for work, and the big company holiday party will be happening Tuesday. Plus 7 of my office mates will also be out there. So I'm going to have to figure out some crafty ways to not raise any suspicions with any of them!
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| Cheyne, Alicia, Mommy and Daddy at Cheyne & Alicia's 30th Birthday Party |
Then there's the belly. I'm not exactly showing yet... but I feel like my belly is popping out more anyway. A lot of it is probably from bloating, and also the fact that food just sits in my stomach forever after eating, because my digestion has slowed waaaay down. I've only gained a net of 3 lbs (I've fluctuated between 2-3 lbs higher than where I was on Halloween), but my pants definitely feel snugger, and I can't really wear anything too tight without my belly looking kind of bulgy. I've taken to wearing looser tops to help camouflage it, but I don't have a ton of those in my closet (so I've already been shopping for clothes I can wear as my belly expands). On Saturday, at Alicia and Cheyne's party, I put on a cute sparkly top and cardigan, and daddy informed me that I "looked pregnant". Ugh... So, I put on some Spanx, which definitely helped, but I felt pretty uncomfortable all night. I'm also finding that if I try to suck my stomach in, even for a second, it feels uncomfortable, if not slightly painful.
3 more weeks and the secret will be out...
In the meantime, I keep trying to remind myself that if someone is suspicious they probably won't say anything, and if they do it's okay if I lie (even if I hate lying about it, and probably suck horribly at it). And once we've shared the big news, I'll be able to relax and not have to worry about such stupid, trivial things, and instead start fretting over the important stuff -- like how to decorate your nursery or what in the world we're going to name you if you're a boy (since we've already agreed on two girl's names)!
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