Let's see... you're now roughly the size of a bell pepper, or maybe a sweet potato (which sounds super yum! especially with a little melted butter and some brown sugar). I saw a couple of other sources that mentioned that you're probably about 8-10 inches from head to toe! I busted out the ruler from my desk and... woah! No wonder I've got a good bump going now.
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| bell pepper |
I've been spending a lot of time over the last couple of weeks thinking about the birth. As I'm sure you've figured out about my by now (when you're reading this someday in the future), your mom is kind of a nut when it comes to research. So, it won't surprise you to hear that I've been burying my nose in various books, and scouring the scientific and anecdotal data on the internet, and mulling over the pros and cons of everything in my head during every spare moment I can find to think about it.
I'm rapidly finding myself committed to the idea of having a natural birth -- meaning medication and intervention free. Yes, that means no pain killers like an epidural, or labor inducers like Pitocin, or procedures like an episiotomy to "prevent tearing". And, of course, I fervently hope to avoid a c-section unless absolutely medically necessary. My research has brought me to the understanding that these things are rarely medically necessary, are often done more for "convenience" (whether that be the convenience of the doctor, or of the mother), and can have some very serious side effects and complications. Ultimately, I want the safest birth possible for both you and me, and I feel confident that (in the absence of any serious complications that arise) a natural birth is the way to go.
Certainly, that means having to endure the pain of childbirth without drugs to take that away. But I feel pretty okay about that. I trust that my body was designed to do this. I also trust that much of the experience of pain is mental -- meaning that your mental state and emotions, like fear and anxiety, can have a dramatic impact on your experience of pain, making it even worse. I'm not a stranger to this concept in my everyday life. When I get sick, I have the tendency to not give in to the defeat of it. I take care of it as I need to, but otherwise keep going about my life. I find that if I mope about it, and feel sorry for myself, it makes it last longer and feel worse. In one of the books I'm reading, it even talked about how laughter can help with the pain during childbirth. It releases endorphins and other powerful chemicals that can act as natural anesthesia. I found that interesting, because about a year-and-a-half ago my big toenail was torn off (if you ever hear your daddy scolding me about doing work on the house without shoes on, this is why!) A couple of minutes later I was standing in the kitchen while your daddy ran around trying to get his first aid kit and kind of panicking. It was hurting like hell, and I was crying. Suddenly, I found myself involuntarily laughing! I wasn't laughing at anything in particular, and there wasn't a whole lot I was finding funny about the situation at the time. But I do remember that laughing made me feel better for some reason, so I just went with it, laughing and crying at the same time.
Another thing that's convincing me that this is something that's completely doable for me is my experience training for and running in the Nike Women's Half Marathon last year (just a few days before we conceived you!). I have NEVER been a runner. I had never even had an interest in running. And I certainly don't have the physique for it. But, for some crazy reason, about a year or so ago I got it in my head that I needed to run an endurance event, like a half marathon. So, I looked into signing up with a group like Team In Training, which trains you how to do endurance events like marathons, triathalons, century cycling rides, etc. I started in May of 2011, able to only run about 1/3 of a mile before becoming embarrassingly out of breath and needing to stop. I was incredibly scared and nervous that I'd be able to train to run 13.1 miles in only about 4.5 months. Especially in a race with some big hills! But, after 4.5 months of training and preparation -- both physically and mentally -- I not only did it, I enjoyed it! The race was no doubt tough, and there were moments I really had to push myself and focus to get through it, and by the end I was completely exhausted. But, I was also proud, and grateful, and overcome with emotion and joy. I remember rounding that bend and seeing the finish line, and tears began streaming down my face as I was flooded with the feeling that I did it! Every agonizing moment of training (including the time I broke down emotionally during one of the grueling hills sessions, and the various injuries I kept suffering in the beginning of the season), every Saturday morning for 4+ months of waking up at 5 am to head out for a long run, every injury I suffered through especially in those first weeks as my body protested what I was putting it through -- it was all worth it.
In a way, I feel like having a natural childbirth is its own endurance event, and what a perfect bookend to my pregnancy with you, considering my completion of the half marathon just a few days before we conceived you.
But, there are some obstacles. I'm not so sure our doctor is going to be very "natural birth friendly" based on a conversation I had with her on our last visit. But, I was also a little more wishy-washy about it at the time (because I hadn't started really digging into the research, and was only entertaining the idea at the time). Giving birth in a hospital also tends to not be very natural birth friendly, but giving birth at home or in a birthing center probably isn't a realistic option for us at this time. So, I have to work with what I've got. It's funny though that I'm finding myself more fearful of resistance and hostility from my doctor and the hospital than I am about birthing you without any interventions. Clearly, I need to work on that -- either processing through that fear, or doing what I can to make the circumstances as right as I can for the kind of birth experience I'm hoping for. There's much work to be done with only 5 months left!
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