10 weeks

We're now in double digits and 25% through the pregnancy! We're also getting that much closer to announcing to everyone, and being at the end of the first trimester.

I know I'm a day late in posting this, but yesterday was a long day. I spent the whole week in Boston for work, and flew back yesterday. By the time I got home I was exhausted and looking forward to my own bed. It was a really busy week of running around to all of the trainings and meetings I had set up. There was really no time for relaxing, or sight seeing or anything like that. Nonetheless, it was quite an experience and I did have some fun (despite feeling exhausted all week). I'm glad to be back home, where I'm more comfortable though. It was a challenge all week trying to hide you (with my need to avoid certain foods, and not drinking any alcohol, and looking kind of "puffy" around the middle).

I think this last week is about the time that you would begin drinking the amniotic fluid, and that your taste buds should have begun forming around week 8. I got to eat lobster a couple of times this week, so perhaps you got your first taste of that (since whatever I eat will "flavor" the amniotic fluid)! Such a refined palette you're developing!

kumquats

Developmentally, you're now about the size of a kumquat.... I can't say I've ever had or seen a kumquat in person, so this week's "fruit" isn't really doing much for me except making me scratch my head and say "kum-qwhat?" Other sources compare you to a prune. Somehow, I imagine a kumquat being the tastier of the two.

We also got the news earlier this week that your daddy is not a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene! It's definitely a relief. You still have a 50/50 chance of being a carrier yourself, but being a carrier shouldn't have any negative impact on your health, and will not cause cystic fibrosis for you.

9 weeks

We've reached week 9, and I'm feeling fine! Well... mostly. Still pretty exhausted. Between the general fatigue, long days at work, crazy dreams and waking at least once in the middle of the night to pee, I'm pooped. Although, I'm also not complaining, because still no real morning sickness. I don't recall any days where I was feeling "icky" most of the day either in this last week, and the previous week's voracious appetite settled down some. I've had a few new breakouts on my face in the last few days as well, which is kind of obnoxious.

grapes

I'm starting to notice my lower pelvic area getting a little "puffier", although I'm not really "showing". According to the books, my uterus should be doubled in size by now (and roughly the size of a grapefruit), and you are now about the size of a grape or green olive. You're getting bigger and bigger every day, so it won't be too long before I'm showing for real!

Last week was dominated mostly by your daddy being down in Irvine for work training, and wrapping my brain around the whole cystic fibrosis thing. Oh, and Christmas shopping! I managed to put a really good dent in that this week too. Your cousin, Lily, is almost one so shopping for toys and things for her felt a little extra special, because many of the toys and things I came across might be things you'll own one day. I found myself wondering what kinds of toys you'd like best. Will you have a favorite stuffed animal or blanket that never leaves your side? Will a musical toy get you dancing with glee? Maybe you'll love when mommy and daddy read you a particular book. Or perhaps you'll be gaga over something that lets you explore and be active.

Next week, we travel to Boston for mommy's work. It'll be the first time out there for both of us! It promises to be a very busy week, with back to back training sessions, and meetings, and lunches and holiday parties. There will be little to no time for exploring around Boston, unfortunately. But I'd almost rather share that with your daddy (and possibly you) someday anyway. Travel and culture is something I really hope to expose you to as you get older. Neither me or your daddy got to do a lot of traveling as kids, for varying reasons, so we've tried to incorporate that into our adult lives. There is so much that we haven't had the chance to see yet though, and I look forward to making future family trips and memories out of that with you and daddy and any other siblings you may someday have. For instance, earlier this year daddy and I took a small road trip down the coast of California for our anniversary. As I was researching for the trip, I came across a blog about a young family that had packed up their van and started driving across the country, exploring. Their kids were young, but it really looked like such a special trip, and a lot of fun. I would love to do something just like that as a family one day.

ΔF508

I spoke with the doctor today about the cystic fibrosis carrier result from my blood sample. Daddy will hopefully go early next week to have blood drawn as well so they can test him for the gene. I was able to ask the doctor if they knew the specific mutation I carry, and she told me it's the most common mutation, Delta-F508.

In the meantime, I've done a little more research and learned a few interesting things. According to Wikipedia: "The CFTR protein—when in the proper position—opens channels in the cell membrane which release chloride ions out of the cells. This causes osmosis to draw water out of the cell. The ΔF508 mutation can prevent the CFTR from moving into its proper position in the cell." Another source mentioned that being a carrier does mean that one half of that complete gene pair doesn't work, but that the "healthy" gene is enough to allow the body to function without creating problems.

Interestingly, there is also some benefit to being a carrier. According to Wikipedia: "Being a heterozygous carrier (having a single copy of ΔF508) results in decreased water loss during diarrhea. This prevents dehydration, and vastly increases the chances of surviving cholera. This same effect may occur during Typhoid Fever, leading to heterozygote advantage and an increase in the frequency of this mutation." So I guess I'll have to remember that next time I've got the runs! Another study I came across had found what appeared to be a link between carriers of Delta-F508 (in Italian and Scottish populations specifically), and a lower incidence of Chron's disease (incidentally, something my Uncle Donald -- my mom's brother -- was diagnosed with a few years ago).

Also very interesting was that clubbed fingers can be a symptom of cystic fibrosis. I mentioned earlier that I have clubbed thumbs. I didn't mention that my index and middle fingers on both hands are also a little "wide and flat" compared to my pinkie and ring fingers (and the fingers of other people) -- not nearly to the extent of my thumb though. So, that makes me wonder if possibly the clubbed thumbs and the CF carrier gene are somehow related?

Testing

I received a call from our doctor yesterday evening about the results from the prenatal blood work that was done last week when we went in for our first appointment. According to the doctor's message, everything came back fine -- except for one "abnormality". Apparently, I am a carrier of the cystic fibrosis gene.

Of course, at first my heart sank at the news. Thank God for smart phones, because I was able to quickly Google what this meant. The "good" news is that being a carrier means you only have one copy of the gene, and it requires two copies for cystic fibrosis to manifest. We will need to have daddy tested as well, to find out if he's a carrier too. But, somewhat reassuringly, even if he is a carrier there appears to be only a 25% chance that you would have two copies of the gene (and thus have cystic fibrosis). If daddy isn't a carrier, we're "safe", except that there's still a 50% chance that you will be a carrier of the gene too (if daddy does have the gene there's also a 50% chance of you being a carrier and a 25% chance of you not having the gene at all).

I have no knowledge of anyone in my family having cystic fibrosis, so this came as a bit of a shock to me. However, apparently it's not uncommon for a single "carrier" gene to get passed down throughout the generations without a matching gene entering the picture to "activate" it. I really wish I could call my mom and discuss it with her, and see what (if anything) she knows, but it will have to wait until we announce the pregnancy.

It has highlighted for me how little I know about a whole half of my background. My biological father is not in my life, and hasn't been since I was an infant. I don't know that side of the family at all, and have very little information about them, genetic or otherwise. Perhaps those are other questions I'll need to broach with my mom once we've announced the pregnancy. I don't know how much she will know, but it would be good to fill in whatever gaps I can. Particularly if there are diseases in the family that I should be aware of, both for you and for myself.

Hiding in plain sight

One of the toughest parts of the last few weeks (and probably the next few weeks) has been trying to hide the pregnancy from everyone. We've decided to err on the side of caution, and not share the news until the end of the first trimester, just in case something goes wrong (so we don't have to deal with "untelling" a bunch of people). Plus, we decided it would be fun to announce to the families at Christmas, and we want to make sure all of your grandparents know first before we start telling friends and others.

I feel like it's totally obvious that something's up, and have this fear that everyone already knows or has a suspicion. The not drinking has been the big "giveaway" I'm worried about. My birthday was just a few days after we learned we were pregnant, and we went out to dinner with a bunch of family and friends. I stuck to water. But normally I might have had a margarita or something (since we were having Mexican). Then the weekend after Thanksgiving, we went out to a winery for dinner for your grandparent's anniversary. Everybody except me and daddy ordered wine. Daddy was on call for work, and couldn't drink, plus he had gotten food poisoning a day or so before and had a very sensitive stomach. But, it must have looked unusual that I wasn't having any wine. I used the excuse that I had to drive out there because daddy was feeling so sick and weak (which was true), and thus couldn't have any wine. But I couldn't help feeling like it was still totally obvious. And then this last weekend was our friend Alicia and Cheyne's 30th birthday celebration. I arranged with the waiter to bring me a virgin mojito, but to pretend it was alcoholic. Except he kind of played it up a little too much (he handed it to me and claimed it was a "double shot", and then snatched it back and looked at the receipt before giving it back and asking me to take a sip to be sure it was right) -- right in front of Alicia. I have a feeling she already suspects because I was complaining to her a couple of weeks ago about being tired and she asked "are you pregnant"... to which I quickly stammered out a "no" and a really lame excuse. Next week I fly out to Boston for work, and the big company holiday party will be happening Tuesday. Plus 7 of my office mates will also be out there. So I'm going to have to figure out some crafty ways to not raise any suspicions with any of them!

Cheyne, Alicia, Mommy and Daddy at Cheyne & Alicia's 30th Birthday Party

Then there's the belly. I'm not exactly showing yet... but I feel like my belly is popping out more anyway. A lot of it is probably from bloating, and also the fact that food just sits in my stomach forever after eating, because my digestion has slowed waaaay down. I've only gained a net of 3 lbs (I've fluctuated between 2-3 lbs higher than where I was on Halloween), but my pants definitely feel snugger, and I can't really wear anything too tight without my belly looking kind of bulgy. I've taken to wearing looser tops to help camouflage it, but I don't have a ton of those in my closet (so I've already been shopping for clothes I can wear as my belly expands). On Saturday, at Alicia and Cheyne's party, I put on a cute sparkly top and cardigan, and daddy informed me that I "looked pregnant". Ugh... So, I put on some Spanx, which definitely helped, but I felt pretty uncomfortable all night. I'm also finding that if I try to suck my stomach in, even for a second, it feels uncomfortable, if not slightly painful.

3 more weeks and the secret will be out...

In the meantime, I keep trying to remind myself that if someone is suspicious they probably won't say anything, and if they do it's okay if I lie (even if I hate lying about it, and probably suck horribly at it). And once we've shared the big news, I'll be able to relax and not have to worry about such stupid, trivial things, and instead start fretting over the important stuff -- like how to decorate your nursery or what in the world we're going to name you if you're a boy (since we've already agreed on two girl's names)!

8 weeks

We've officially hit the two month mark today! With a little more than 7 months to go, it feels like it's already kind of flying by. In three weeks we'll be announcing to our families, and then to friends and others. And then it's on to the second trimester!

Obviously this past week was an exciting one, given that we had our first appointment and got to see you for the first time. I just love looking at the little sonogram picture, and imagining what you'll be like. Are you a little boy or a girl? I know some women feel like they "know" before they really do, but honestly I don't have a strong feeling one way or another. Will you look more like mommy or daddy? Will you be more quiet, reserved and shy like daddy? Or will you be a passionate firecracker like your mom? Chances are you'll be stubborn and competitive, like both of your parents. Or, maybe not! Perhaps you'll share your dad's deep love of music, or your mom's love of reading. Maybe you'll have strong organizational skills like daddy, or your mommy's creativity and eye for design. I can't wait to see who you become.

raspberries

At this point you're only about the size of a raspberry (another source likened you to a gummy bear), and your little hands and feet have started developing fingers and toes. You should also have tiny eyelids, and your upper lip and ears should be forming now. You're getting bigger and bigger every day, and in a few short weeks you'll be the size of a lime!

I've been mostly feeling good this last week. The fatigue is still my biggest symptom, which can be rough on its own. Some days I really just want to lay my head on my desk and take a nap -- but I'm right out in the open and everyone would see. And I've been trying really hard to not raise any suspicions if I can help it. I did vomit once, earlier this week -- but I'm not sure if it was morning sickness or a coincidence. I had a gag reflex while brushing my tongue (which I've had happen before), but unlike every other time in the past, this time I actually threw up a little. Not pleasant.... Most days I feel super hungry, and I've been trying to eat smaller meals throughout the day to help with that. I find that I feel good when I'm eating, but shortly after I finish I'm starving again. Yesterday was an awful day. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before due to some unpleasant dreams, and waking at about 2:30 am with my mind racing, and unable to fall back asleep for like 45 minutes. I developed a headache early on in the day, and I think it may have been partially related to suddenly feeling very sensitive to fragrant smells. Any sort of perfume-like fragrance was just assaulting my nose. By the time I got home last night I felt like complete crap and really just wanted to lay down and go to sleep. Your daddy was very sweet, and cuddled with me for a little bit before running out to grab a healthy dinner of Taco Bell (not something I'd normally eat... but it that fresco bean burrito seemed to really hit the spot).

We've got the beat!

Our first prenatal appointment was today, with Dr. Pham-Thomas. Daddy came with me, and we both got to see you!

You're measuring right on target, at 7 weeks and 3 days, and the doctor confirmed your due date as July 13th. We got to see you, and the yolk sac, and your little heart beating at a healthy 167 beats per minute!

At Mommy's request, Daddy also captured you on film for the first time. You can see your heart beating nice and strong.

It's such a relief to have that confirmation that everything looks good so far! Hopefully it will help ease some of that anxiety I've been feeling the last few weeks, where I had no clue what was going on in there, and if everything was okay. I still have no control over how you're developing, and I'll have to wait awhile before I get to see you again. But I have something tangible (the ultrasound photos and the video) to hang onto in the meantime.

Hooray!!!