Your Nursery

I started dreaming up your nursery before you were even conceived. I knew I wanted it to be vintage inspired, I knew I didn't want it to be super "babyish" (so you could grow with it), and I knew I didn't want it to be too "theme-y" (like with character prints or pre-packaged sets).

I spent many months gathering ideas, but work on your nursery didn't begin until the third trimester. First, we needed to know whether you were going to be a boy or a girl. Once we learned you were a girl, I knew immediately that I wanted to do gray and blush pink. Originally I wanted to accent with touches of rose gold, but was finding it hard to find accent pieces in that color, and could not find a spray paint that was rose gold (so I could make my own accent pieces). Being that rose gold is a mixture of copper and gold, and I didn't want to accent with gold, I decided to use copper instead. It still has enough of the feel I was going for with the rose gold.

We selected the crib back in November, after we both fell in love with it when we saw it online. We loved that it converted to 3 different styles, which would make it easy to re-use for a second child, but have it look different. Plus, it's made from cast iron, so it would be very durable and should still look pretty new for a second child as well. In January I found it on sale for a super good price, so we decided to jump on the deal. Selecting which color to buy it in wasn't easy (it comes in slate, white, antique white/off-white, gold and pewter). Daddy really liked the slate the best, so I went ahead and got that one. I will admit I had a moment of buyer's remorse after we learned your sex, because I wasn't sure how the dark color would blend with the pale gray and blush pink palette I had settled on. But, I'm actually happy with the choice now. I feel like it makes the crib stand out, and I added some black accents elsewhere in the room to help tie it in (e.g. frames, curtain rod).

Our next purchase was the dresser. I knew I wanted a French Provincial style dresser. We found one on Craigslist for a really cheap price at the end of January. It had been fixed up and painted white (although, the paint job was crappy, so Daddy and Grandpa Rick spent a crazy amount of time repainting it). The dresser fit perfectly on the wall next to the door, and I loved that it had so many drawers for organizing your things (and, believe me, I filled them!).

Right about the same time, I found the glider and ottoman online, for a steal of a price. I loved that it had a vintage look to it, and was fully upholstered. There are these other gliders that are really popular right now, but I can't stand the way they look -- they're very dated looking, and not very attractive. There was no way mama was putting something ugly in your room! I was a little nervous buying it sight unseen, but when it arrived a few weeks later, I was pleased! It was a little darker than I was hoping (but once it was up in the room, I decided I liked it), but otherwise it was super comfy and I knew I'd enjoy snuggling with you in it.

I also decided early on that I wanted to make a book wall for you. I loved books as a kid (and still do), and hope to instill a love of reading in you too. The top shelf has a bunch of books that belonged to Daddy as a kid. Since I'm so short (that I can barely reach that shelf), and I wouldn't want you messing those books up when you hit that age that you start tearing pages out of books, I figured that would be a perfect spot. Unfortunately, I don't have too many books from my childhood -- most of them were passed down to my brothers, and later junked or donated. But, I have been buying some new copies of some of my favorites from when I was a little girl, like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and "The Velveteen Rabbit", and well as adding in a number of Dr. Seuss books that I have been collecting over the years.

At the baby shower, my mom used a bunch of old baby clothes that had belonged to her and me to decorate with, and afterwards, gave those items to me. I selected a few of them to create a display in your room.

On the upper left is a cardigan that belonged to Nana Shirley. Underneath, on the copper bow shelf, is a pair of pink and fur booties that belonged to me.

In the center is my Christening gown and bonnet, which Nana Shirley sewed for me. The hanger it's on is also one of my old baby hangers.

On the bottom right is a bonnet that belonged to Nana Shirley. And on the top right was the dress we brought you home from the hospital in.

Originally, I had planned on hanging a chandelier light in your room. But, as I looked around, I couldn't find one I like that wasn't super expensive. I ended up stumbling across a bunch of vintage ceiling lights on Ebay, and decided they fit better with the vintage feel I was going for. The light I purchased was made in the 1930's by a company called Porcelier. It has pretty pink and blue flowers painted on the porcelain fixture, and it came with the pink glass shade.

I planned to do a sort of gallery wall above your dresser. I started with the little shelves, and then figured the rest out from there.

On the left shelf is a cuddly, stuffed lamb from your Great Aunt Sandy. Next to it is a kitten vase that I had in my nursery when I was a baby. I purchased some silk flowers to make the arrangement inside. And then I added the little white butterfly from the flower arrangement your Grandma and Grandpa Guerra brought with them to the hospital the day after you were born. The little girl figurine with the "D" was something your Nana Shirley found at an antique store. And the "Baby's Nest Egg" was a gift from Nana's Shirley's friend Laurie, who found it at an estate sale and thought it would be perfect in your room (which it is!) Underneath is a frame I picked up from the Pleasanton Antique Fair in May, when I went there with Nana Shirley. We made the prints of your feet when you were 3 weeks old. Next to it is a little something I put together with some spare pieces I had. I used an extra embroidery hoop, spray painted copper, and added some leftover lace from making your crib skirt. Then I added a butterfly brooch I had in my jewelry box (for your Great Grandma Guerra, who I've been told loved butterflies).

The large, bejeweled "D" was something I made a few days before you were born. I used a bunch of pieces of vintage costume jewelry, along with some beads I picked up at the craft store. A couple of the pieces were actually old clip on earrings that I've had in my jewelry box since I was a little girl. I think they had originally belonged to my Great Grandma Knotts. One of the earrings was missing its mate, and the other had one with a missing rhinestone (which I repaired).

The framed handkerchief was also something I found on Ebay. We weren't fully committed to the name "Daphne" yet, but I loved that it was pink and grey, and figured if we picked a different name, I could just keep it for myself. The picture frames I filled with detail shots of you, and a little silhouette I made of your face.

The mobile was also something I made a few days before you were born. The pink beads were left over from your gender reveal party (from the lanterns I made to reveal your gender).

Your closet still needs doors... but for the time being, I'm actually liking the open concept for ease of access to your stuff. Daddy built the closet out for you, including the new cedar floor. As you can see, you have no shortage of clothes for being a brand new baby! And that's not including all of the clothes (onesies, pants, socks, shoes, hats, etc.) that are hiding in the dresser drawers (4 drawers full)!

I put a lot of time, thoughts and effort into designing and decorating this room for you, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!

Birth

I'll warn you in advance, this is going to be a long and difficult post. I feel it's important to be real and honest about our experience, even though it was difficult and traumatic. Please know that, despite it all, Daddy and I are ultimately so, so thrilled to have you in our lives, healthy and safe. And the immediate and overwhelming feelings of joy, love and awe were just as profound for us that day.

The story starts on Tuesday, July 17th. That morning, after getting out of bed, I noticed some extra wetness in my underwear. It wasn't a lot, but it also wasn't urine. Soon, I began losing pieces of the mucus plug along with a tiny amount of fluid). It was an exciting sign, but I knew it wasn't really an indicator of when labor would start, and that we could still have days to go. So, Daddy and I went about our day as usual. We had lunch at BJ's, and did a little shopping at Target, and I worked on a few finishing touches for your nursery while Daddy tended to the yards


Later that day, around 5:30 pm, I was in the master bathroom and I noticed a steady drip of fluid beginning to stream down my legs. Quickly, small puddles were forming on the bathroom floor. I called in Daddy, and told him I thought my water had broken. Unfortunately, contractions had not yet begun, making this a prelabor rupture of membranes (which is pretty rare)

I reached out to our doulas, to get their thoughts. We decided to stay home for awhile, and see if labor began on its own (had we gone into the hospital, they likely would have induced with Pitocin right away). Our main doula, Teri, suggested that you might be positioned posterior, as a water break without contractions could often indicate this. She gave me some suggestions of some moves I could try, like the cat cow yoga move. I spent a little while trying the various moves, and reading in some of my books for other ideas at the same time. But, I didn't feel you rotating, and it had started to get late. Daddy, in the meantime, had been busy in the hall bathroom -- first trying to clean it (thinking I may wish to get into the tub during labor), and then battling a stubborn clog in the sink he discovered. At one point he even had me out in the backyard, turning the hose (which he had fed through the guest bedroom window into the bathroom) off and on!

By the time 9:00 pm had rolled around, I suggested we eat something. We ended up ordering take-out from Taqueria Los Pericos. As we were eating, I started noticing what felt like contractions. They weren't spaced very closely together at this point though. We decided to head to bed shortly thereafter, figuring that we'd likely be meeting you soon, and should try to get some rest

We headed to bed, and Daddy conked out quickly. Unfortunately, my contractions started coming on more rapidly and strongly, and I found I couldn't get to sleep. After laying in bed for over an hour, I decided to get up and see if anything changed. I paced around in the master bathroom for a little bit, but the contractions continued, and I knew getting back into bad wasn't going to happen. So, instead, I headed downstairs, and perched myself on my birth ball at the end of the sofa in the back room, with a stack of pillows on the sofa for me to rest my head on. Using an app on my phone, I would time the contractions, and in between I'd lay my head down and attempt to rest. When I first began timing them, they were around 4-5 minutes apart, lasting around 45 seconds each. Within a couple of hours they had progressed to 3-4 minutes apart, lasting about 45-60 seconds each.

Around 4 am, I headed back upstairs, where Daddy was still sleeping. I was beginning to think we should head to the hospital in a little while, and wanted to finish getting ready to go. Daddy woke up as I was moving around the bedroom, gathering things, and I told him what was up. At first, he was a little upset I hadn't woken him, because he wanted to be there for me. But I explained that I decided to let him get his rest because I'd need him during labor, and figured at least one of us should be rested, if possible!
We showered, finished packing, and ate some breakfast, and started heading to the hospital just before 5:30 am. We checked in at the Emergency Room intake, and as we were sitting there a woman with her daughter began chatting us up, telling us she delivered naturally, and wishing us good luck. Soon, a nurse arrived to take us upstairs to the maternity ward, and got us checked into a birthing room (room 2905). It was about 6:00 am.

Our first nurse came in, and started hooking me up to the fetal monitor for the initial strip. She also began prepping me for a saline lock, and did a cervical dilation check (I was at a 4). Unfortunately, the monitoring seemed to show that your heart rate was "flat" (it was at a decent level, however, it wasn't accelerating when you'd move or I'd have a contraction). As a result, the doctor ordered me to remain on the continuous fetal monitor (something I had fought against in my birth plan originally). She also ordered me to be placed on an IV drip for fluids -- something else I had opted out of in my birth plan. They also did a quick ultrasound to verify you were head down, but were unable to tell which direction you were facing. Bloodwork was done too, and among other things my platelet levels were checked -- somehow they had shot back up to 133 in the last few weeks!

After a little bit, your heart rate/accelerations became normal. But the doctor refused to let me off the monitor. By this time, we had a new nurse (due to shift change), who brought in a wireless monitor, so I could at least get up and move around. Our doula (Kelly) had also arrived.

We spent the next few hours going through the motions of laboring. I moved around from the bed to sitting on my birth ball to standing and swaying. Daddy offered counter pressure on my lower back, as the pain had begun to intensify back there (another sign you were posterior). I was also using the Hypnobabies techniques intermittently. They worked really well -- in fact, the first time I put the earphones in and put myself under, I "woke" a little later to find Daddy, the doula, and a couple of nurses staring at me in awe. Apparently, I had been snoring through some strong contractions, and not even moving (whereas before I went under I was definitely moving around during the contractions, and in need of Daddy's hands for counter pressure). While I was under, I could definitely feel the contractions still, and I certainly wasn't asleep, but everything felt so much less intense and so much more manageable. I didn't need to move, and when it became more intense I moaned through it (which I'm guessing must have come out sounding like a snore!) The problem was that it left me tied up in bed, and I knew that it wasn't the best position for me to labor in, especially if you were in fact posterior.

Around 1 o'clock, the nurse checked my dilation again. This time, I was at a 6. Yay, progress! Following that, contractions definitely started getting stronger and more intense. Within a couple of hours, I was vocalizing loudly, and Daddy was having to use all his strength to apply counter pressure to my back, which hurt quite a lot during contractions. Self-doubt began creeping into my head, and I began wondering if I could go on, and cursing or crying out "no, no, no" during contractions. I knew this was often a sign that a woman was in transition (8-10 cm dilated), so I was holding onto that to push me through. A few times we looked over at the fetal monitor, and I was having some very intense contractions for sure!

Unfortunately, I was also beginning to feel the fatigue set in. At one point, I was sitting on my birth ball, leaning over the bed. Daddy or Kelly would apply counter pressure when each contraction hit, and I'd push through it. As soon as it was done, I found myself wanting to doze off -- sometimes even beginning to actually nod off, and having to catch myself as I began rolling off the ball. I knew this wasn't good, and began to worry too that I may not have the energy for pushing later.

A little after 5:00 pm I got up to use the bathroom. While on the toilet, a contraction hit, and I felt the urge to poop. Knowing this could sometimes be a sign that the second stage of labor was beginning, and dilation was complete, I mentioned it to the nurse. She had me climb back onto the bed for another cervical exam. Her check seemed to last a little longer than before, which got me a little nervous. When she finished, she quietly told me that I was still at a 6, and 90% effaced. It had been more than 4 hours since my last check, where I was also at a 6, and 24 hours since my membranes ruptured. She needed to report back to the doctor.

Our doctor was not pleased with the lack of progress and presented us with two options: we could either have a c-section now, or we could try augmenting with Pitocin to see if it would cause labor to progress. Neither option sounded acceptable to me, as both went directly against my wishes in my birth plan. We argued with the doctor a bit, and then I asked for a little time to discuss it with Daddy and our doula.
We weighed the circumstances: labor had stalled, we thought you might be posterior (making labor more painful), I was getting really tired and already doubting my ability to continue (even more so now that I knew I still had 4 cm to go!) We really, really wanted to avoid a c-section as well, so that option was immediately off the table. I didn't know what else to do. I ended up reasoning that perhaps the Pitocin would help get us over the hump. However, this brought up other concerns. The contractions I was having just then were quite painful, and I was very tired. Pitocin causes contractions that are much more intense and painful than they would be normally, and many women are unable to handle them without pain relieving measures, like an epidural or narcotics. I was also concerned that if it didn't work, and I had to have a c-section, that they would give me general anesthesia, and Daddy wouldn't be able to be there -- something I was not at all okay with. But, ugh... I didn't want an epidural or other pain meds! I had worked so hard for months to have a natural childbirth, and now I was being faced with having to opt for interventions I didn't want, and that carried risks that concerned me. But, what else could I do? I didn't know what other options I had available to me to try to fight for. I reasoned that if I got the epidural, it might allow me to rest while the Pitocin did its work (knowing full well that often the epidural slows labor, and thus works against Pitocin, causing doctors to up the Pitocin, which could lead to fetal distress and then a c-section... but it seemed I was heading that direction anyway if I didn't at least try). I figured that, if it worked, I would have them turn off the epidural for pushing, so I could at least feel through that.
It was a compromise that left me feeling somewhat defeated, as well as anxious and scared. Daddy was being so supportive and loving, but I could see the fear and sadness creeping into his eyes too. At 6:00 pm, they hooked up the Pitocin, and the anesthesiologist came in to administer the epidural. I felt like a failure. I was so disappointed that this was where things had ended up, after 21 hours of laboring naturally. I began the journey of collapsing into myself at this point. Sitting upright on the bed, as the anesthesiologist prepped me for the epidural, I felt like a puppet, being manipulated by the hands of another. As the epidural was being administered, a very strong contraction hit, but I remained perfectly still -- Daddy noticed, and remarked about it later. I was so lost inside myself in that moment, I'm not even sure I was aware.

Soon they had me laying back down on the bed. I began to develop the shakes, and the nurse provided a warm blanket for me. It didn't really help. I knew the shakes weren't good -- it meant adrenaline was pumping through my body, which also tends to stall or even regress labor. Fight or flight. In nature, an animal giving birth will actually stop and reverse the process if they sense danger, allowing them to get away and to a safer environment for birthing their vulnerable offspring. Here I was, a human animal, trapped in a scary, dangerous setting, with a doctor I had come to regard as a predatory threat. My hopes, admittedly, weren't high. I tried anyway to focus on breathing and relaxing as much as possible anyway for the next hour.

At 7:00 pm sharp, our doctor wasted no time calling the nurse for an update. The nurse began to check me -- and again, it felt like it was taking forever. Finally, she looked up at me with sadness in her eyes, and told me I was still at a six... maybe a 7, but that my cervix had also begun to swell, and that she wasn't sure but she thought she felt some swelling of your head too.

Our doctor immediately called for a c-section. No! I couldn't have that! There had to be another option. I began arguing and pleading for one more hour on the Pitocin, to see if a little more time would make a difference. The nurse spoke with the doctor on our behalf, to try to get this for us. The doctor refused. I asked to speak to her (on the phone... she was a mile or two away at her office). She began throwing out all kinds of reasons she believed a c-section was a better option. I argued back on many. Soon, she began pulling out the "big guns", and using extreme scare tactics to attempt to coerce us. She tried to tell me that if we delayed the c-section that I could lose my uterus and never be able to have children again! I felt like I was on the verge of drowning, but still thrashing in the water, trying to break my head free for air. I asked her for the statistics to back up her assertions, which she refused to answer. I cited my own concerns about the very serious, real and dangerous risks of c-sections, and why I wanted to avoid one, which she also coldly dismissed. I tried arguing for even 30 minutes more on the Pitocin, which she rejected. She was making this sound like an emergency (even though it wasn't). Daddy even asked to talk to her, and stepped out into the hall to have a "private" conversation with her. He tried his hardest to reason with her, but she would not budge. Instead, she started using her scare tactics on him, telling him at one point that without the c-section I could hemorrhage and need a blood transfusion, and that I could wind up with HIV or Hepatitis B! (We mentioned this to a nurse later when we were in the recovery room, who scoffed and replied "maybe back in the 80's!") She was relentless and unyielding, and no matter what we said, no matter how much we argued and tried to present other options (including a suggestion by our main doula to try having me lie on my side to see if that might help labor progress), she wouldn't allow us any other choice. And what other choice did we really have, short of getting up and leaving the hospital (and that wasn't really an option either).

So, we decided to ask for a second opinion. We knew it was unlikely we'd be presented with a doctor that would give us an evidence-based opinion, and that our doctor would most likely send someone to advocate on her behalf instead of ours. But, we felt we needed to try -- if for no other reason than to know that we tried everything we could at that point. Our doctor sent her colleague, Dr. Carlson, who was on call at the time (and who technically should have been delivering you, but our doctor apparently insisted she handle our case personally). Dr. Carlson came in and essentially told us that we needed a c-section, although she was at least a bit nicer about it (in the sense that she didn't use abusive scare tactics on us), although she was still somewhat cold, and very "to the point".

After talking it over with her, Daddy and I asked for a few minutes alone to talk. We knew we didn't really have a choice anymore -- so, we cried together as we acknowledged that to each other. It was so hard for both of us to see that it had come to this.

Soon they were prepping me for surgery, and things sort of blurred in and out for me. I remember them telling Daddy he needed to get into a "bunny suit" (the full-bodied blue gown, hat and mask), and handing me a hat to place over my hair. Our doctor even arrived shortly thereafter, and came into the room greeting us by saying "I know I'm not your favorite person in the world right now...." I really don't remember much else of what she said at that point. But I do recall asking Daddy to get the small birth plan I had typed up in the case a c-section was required. I presented it to the doctor to verify that at least those wishes could be respected. She agreed to all of it, except allowing immediate skin-to-skin contact and breastfeeding after you were born. I was told that the hospital doesn't allow that. I was, however, promised that I would be able to see you immediately after you were born, and that I'd be allowed one arm free so I could touch you, among other things.

The nurses began wheeling me out of the room to the OR, and I noticed there were alarms going off in the hallway. The nurses began talking about an emergency c-section, and debating what to do with me. They wound up wheeling us into the recovery room to wait for this other c-section to happen first. Daddy and I sat there alone and scared, and Daddy without a chair to sit on (I kept moving my numbed legs over so he could sit on my bed), for an hour and a half before they took me in for surgery. At one point my doctor came in to "apologize" for the delay. I pointedly asked her what kind of danger I was in because of this delay, since she had been telling us earlier that we couldn't have more time because all of these horrific things could happen... and she blew it off, telling us "not to worry" and everything would be "fine". Needless to say, I was pretty angry, but felt so powerless to do anything about it.

Around 10 pm, they finally took us in to the operating room. Emotionally, I wasn't really present; I had collapsed into myself quite a bit by that time, and can only remember bits and pieces of what happened. I remember that I was shaking quite a bit, so the anesthesiologist set a warmer up to help me with the shakes. I remember then strapping both of my arms down (despite my wishes and their earlier promises), but I was too out of it to even be able to fight anymore at that point. I remember as they were cutting you out of me, one of the doctors said "is that a cheek or the butt?" I remember them putting pressure on my belly, and trying to yank you out, and they seemed to be having a heck of a time. I remember hearing a female voice say "10:33", and I wondered to myself "is she out? Is that the time of birth? Or did that mean something else?"

Next thing I know, I notice that someone was heading over to the warmer, and then I heard a tiny little cry. From where I was laying, sadly, I could only see a part of one of your little legs -- the warmer was too far over for me to be able to see any more of you. Daddy was still standing a few feet away, looking at you, having not been invited any closer yet. They claimed, later, that this was because you were "in shock" and "not breathing" when you came out of me. But you started crying pretty quickly, and your Apgar scores were 8 and 9 -- so clearly you were fine.

Finally someone asked Daddy if he would like to cut the cord (which was kind of silly, because the cord had already been cut, when they removed you from my belly... but they did need to crop it closer, I suppose).

Daddy stepped in closer then, and got to take a really good look at you. I felt so crushed that they didn't let me see you right away. It was probably only a couple of minutes, but it felt like an eternity watching your tiny little leg, watching the doctors and nurses tend to you, watching Daddy interact with you, yet being strapped down, helpless and feeling so alone on that operating table.

Finally, they let Daddy bring you over to me. You were all swaddled up, and all I could see was your little face. No inspecting your little fingers and toes. No skin-to-skin. No getting to hold you close and smell you. But your face was so beautiful. It was an island of pure joy in a sea of sadness. Someone had mentioned, before they brought you over, that you had strawberry blonde hair -- but I didn't believe it until I saw it with my own eyes! It was certainly not what I was expecting, but it was such a wonderful surprise. Daddy handed our camera to the pediatrician, who kindly took some photos of us.

Daddy brought you in close for a kiss from mommy -- the closest I got to be to you for the next hour or so. And then, after getting less than two minutes with you, they whisked you and Daddy away to the nursery for tests and measurements and cleaning and all the other routine stuff (that originally I had wanted to delay so I'd have time to bond with and breastfeed you).

While you and Daddy were in the nursery, I was "alone" in the operating room, as the doctors finished working on me. It felt like it was taking forever-- I just wanted to see you again, and know that everything was okay with you. After awhile, a call came in and they announced (to the doctors -- nor directly to me) that you were 9 pounds, 3 ounces. I didn't get any other info on you until I saw you later.

When they were done, they wheeled me back into the recovery room. I waited there for a while longer, and then finally Daddy came in with you, and I was able to hold you, and breastfeed you for the first time.

Fortunately we're both healthy, and I am thankful for that every day. But I'm having a hard time with the way it all went down, and both Daddy and I were left feeling traumatized and upset at how things went down, and I'm now having to grieve the birth experience I had been so excitedly looking forward to, and couldn't have. It was an unfortunate outcome, but we feel so blessed by how beautiful, and amazing and precious you are. The rest -- we will heal and make peace with it in time.

Making progress?

On Friday (your due date), after I posted in the morning, Daddy and I got a little more work done around the house and then went to go get pedicures. My poor feet were looking pretty rough, especially since my last pedicure was back in early June. Generally, they tell pregnant women these days to avoid the ankle massage when getting a pedicure, because it could trigger labor. So, naturally, I told the woman to go ahead and be extra "vigorous" with the massage, hoping that maybe it would induce!

Then we headed over to Gay 90's Pizza in Pleasanton, where they have a pizza on the menu called the "Frank's Special" that is rumored to be a labor inducer. There are claims that women have eaten that pizza and gone into labor on their way out the door, or the next day. Of course, the waitress made a big deal out of it, and brought me a framed news article about the "labor inducing pizza". As we were waiting for our food, I got up to use the restroom and a woman stopped me and told me that both of her kids were born the day after she ate the Frank's Special at Gay 90's. And the waitress came by again later to say there was a woman with an infant on the other side of the restaurant who said she had her baby the day after eating it too. If nothing else, it was exciting to give it a try!

Unfortunately... neither the pedicure or the pizza seemed to do the trick. We made it through the whole weekend with nary a sign.

We did manage to get a bunch more stuff done over the weekend though. Your room is now pretty close to being complete. There are jut a few small details -- some of which I can't complete until after you're born anyway -- and then we need to get some doors for your closet (but that's not a big priority anyway). I also packed/organized a few more things in my hospital bag. And I started working on putting together the diaper bag.

I also noticed that, on Saturday morning I actually slept in for the first time in quite a while! Obnoxiously, I've been finding that I've been getting up sometimes between 5:30-7am (even the whole time I've been off work, prior to Saturday). I generally feel like I could still stand to sleep, but my brain is just up and ready to start the day, so I wind up laying in bed for a long time before finally giving in. But, on Saturday I think I slept in until nearly 10 am! And I took a nap later in the afternoon because I was feeling so tired. Sunday and yesterday morning I also slept in. Not that I'm complaining... especially since I also recently shifted from waking every 2 hours to pee, to waking every 1.5 hours (or sometimes even every hour and fifteen minutes!) to pee instead.

Then, last night, Daddy and I went to grab some late take-out for dinner. As we were sitting on the couch eating and watching a show, I started to notice a little tightening feeling in my lower abdomen and back. The feeling lasted maybe 30-60 seconds, and would come and go every 5-6 minutes or so (sometimes longer). At first I didn't say anything, because I wasn't sure if I was feeling contractions, or of it was just gas or sitting at an awkward angle or something. But after a few, I gathered that they might be small, early contractions and mentioned something to Daddy (whose eyes and smile got really big) and then tried to caution him not to get too excited, because "who knows"... We decided to head to bed, so we could get as much rest as possible in case we were in fact getting close.

I had a pretty typical night's sleep (typical for how things have been lately, anyway), but didn't notice any more contractions in the middle of the night. When I woke this morning, a little after 8am, I still didn't notice any more contractions or anything. Daddy and I lingered in bed for a bit, and then he got up to start getting ready for a doctor's appointment he has this morning (for his eyes). I got out of bed about 9:30, and noticed a few minutes later that there was a tiny wet spot on the front of my nightgown. At first I thought it was maybe from the bathroom sink (where I had just been washing my mouth guard), but when I felt my panties, there was definitely more going on, since there was marked wetness there too! It was colorless, and didn't look/smell like urine, and it felt thin (so I'm not sure that it's part of the mucus plug). So, perhaps my water broke, or sprung a little leak? I'm not really sure! I'm not having any more contractions though... so hopefully if the amniotic sac is starting to leak, those will be starting soon. Hopefully this means you're coming soon too!

40 weeks

Friday the 13th -- your due date! Will it be your birth date? It's still possible... but it's looking like probably not. I'm not really feeling/seeing anything encouraging, and haven't really since the bit of spotting I woke up to on Wednesday morning. I may have had a couple of light contractions last night... but, it's so hard to tell; it felt like it could have just been you moving around a bit.

We have a sun flower randomly growing in our backyard right now (last year, we had about half dozen that popped up, out of nowhere). Daddy has suggested that you'll be born when the sunflower hits full bloom. It's getting close (I'm guessing it'll hit full bloom in the next day or two), so let's hope he's right!

Sunflower - taken the morning of July 13

We had a doctor's appointment yesterday. During the appointment, the doctor talked about induction. Normally she likes to induce by 41 weeks. I'm not so keen on that, and would rather give you the time you need to come out when you're ready (even though I am now hitting that point where I'm anxious for you to come out!). I managed to stave her off until July 23rd (10 days past your due date) for now, assuming there are no serious issues that come up. We have another appointment with her next Thursday, and if you haven't arrived by then, I'll see what I can do about maybe getting you a little more time. I really don't want to be medically induced.

So, now I'm looking at various natural induction methods. But, I'm not super encouraged, because I know many probably don't actually work (and are more "coincidence" than anything, if they do "work"). Some may have some merit, and I'm all about giving them a try at this point! I woke up pretty early this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep, so after a while I came downstairs to sit on my birth ball and bounce/rock/sway/do circles for awhile. I even tried kneeling over the ball for a bit and rocking/swaying. Now I'm sitting on it in front of my computer.

We also had an NST (non-stress test) done at our doctor's appointment yesterday. This is where they hooked me up to monitors on my belly to monitor your heart rate and any contractions I might be having/your movements. They then check to be sure your heart rate looks good and is responding appropriately to contractions/movements (it should accelerate). It felt like they left us lying there forever, which was pretty obnoxious. But, the doctor said everything looked good! We go back on Monday for another NST, and then again next Thursday. Unless, of course, you decide to join us this weekend, so I don't have to go to anymore such appointments -- hint hint!

Getting Closer!

We're two days out from your due date! I woke up this morning and noticed a bit of brownish spotting in my underwear, from overnight. Possibly part of the mucus plug, and a sign that things are progressing down there. Although, it's no indication of when labor might actually start, but I'm excited for progress! I've also noticed in the last day or two that it feels like you've dropped a bit lower. I'm having a harder time walking, and feeling more pressure on my lower abdomen/pelvis and everything else down there.

I decided to take my routine photo today, since I'm practically at 40 weeks, and I didn't want to risk that I went into labor and never got to take another photo after 35 weeks.

Daddy has managed to nearly complete his master bedroom project too! The walls are all back up and painted, and he installed the bedside lamp next to my side and is working on installing the lamp on his side today. He also started replacing the floor in the closet (and is maybe halfway done), and building out the closet's interior so he has his own space for storing his clothes. He's super excited about that!

Work on the nursery continues, but it's coming along. It's really all just decorative details at this point (and closet doors, eventually, but we haven't even purchased them). I got most of the vintage baby clothes display up on the wall -- I'm just waiting on a shelf to arrive for my pink shoes, and I need to find a hook or two for my christening gown and your "coming home" gown. I think we've decided to scrap hanging the bird cages we used for our wedding from the ceiling. Daddy was concerned about bonking his head on them and having them fall on you. I can't find another decent place to hang them, so they're heading back into storage. Instead, I'm trying to work on making an angel mobile to hang above your changing pad, but I need a few more supplies. I don't think it's something I'll be able to get done before you arrive (unless you arrive very late). I also have a few other craft projects I'm working on that I'm not sure I'll be able to get done before you're born, because I'm also waiting on some more supplies to complete them.

Other than that, we've started looking around at day care options, for when I return to work in October. There's a place we toured yesterday that we both like, that's super close to our house. We might decide to go with that one, but I'm waiting to hear back from one other woman, just so I can feel like I've explored our options enough (we also looked at another center yesterday, but neither of us were very happy with it; and we've also gotten a lot of "no openings" from other places we've called).

Daddy and I are both getting very excited to meet you soon!

39 weeks

I can't believe there's only one week to go until your due date. Where has the time gone? I remember the first trimester dragging on so slowly. And then things steadily picked up from there. The last few weeks have really felt like they've flown by. Especially this last week, since I've been off work.

It probably helps that I've been keeping pretty busy. I've managed to check a lot of things off my to-do list in the last week -- although I still have a lot more I want to get done! I've done a bunch of organization in your nursery, washed a bunch of your things yesterday, worked on some of the decorations for your room (some of them, though, I'm convinced just won't get done until after you're born, unless you come really late). I'm definitely getting more tired though, so I eventually hit a wall and have to stop and take a nap or something. It doesn't help that, despite being off work (I'm so, so glad I took this time off!), I've been waking up fairly early most mornings -- usually between 6-7 am, and feeling like I'm still tired but not able to go back to sleep. I think my brain gets too anxious to get started with the day and get some things done. I had one morning as well where I woke up at 3:30, and couldn't get back to sleep for about 2+ hours. So much for trying to catch up on my sleep before you get here!

Wednesday was the 4th of July, and we had a little block party with the neighbors (it's the second year we've done it... so it's still kind of loosely organized, but we usually set up food, tables, etc. in the front yards, and then do fireworks in the curve of the street in front of our house, with everyone gathered on our lawns to watch). Daddy and I had Nana, Uncle Andy, Aunt Sandra, Kayla and Lily, Grandma and Grandpa Guerra, Uncle Jason and Aunty Yen over as well. Wednesday was a bit of a "wasted" day, in terms of my to-do list, because I felt like I spent most of it running around getting stuff ready for the evening's festivities -- and this was despite the fact that I kept it super low-key, and didn't even make anything more complicated than a fruit salad!

Daddy took this week and next week off of work, so he's been home with me all week too. He's been working hard every day on the master bedroom, and trying to get that project done before your arrival. I think he's just about ready to spray texture on the walls, and then prime and paint. He might work on that this weekend. So, maybe we'll have the master bedroom in decent order by the time you arrive!

That is assuming you don't decide to make your entrance in the next day or two... I haven't really had any  definitive signs of labor. I mostly feel the same as usual. Although, a little bit ago Daddy and I were in Orchard Supply Hardware, picking out the paint for the master bedroom, and I started feeling a little "jittery". I'm not sure how else to better explain it. It's like I felt a bit off, and I think my pulse may have been a little higher, and I just felt kind of anxious. I've heard some women describe similar feelings before they went into labor. But, who knows... it could just be that long to-do list nagging me while I sat on my big, pregnant rump in one of the patio chairs at Orchard as our paint was being made. Of course, I then made the "mistake" of telling Daddy about how I was feeling, and suddenly he started feeling kind of "jittery" too! When I came to bed last night, Daddy was already passed out in bed, with a copy of "The Birth Partner" in his hand. He told me this morning he had been reading about possible signs of labor. So, of course now he's getting a little excited! It probably doesn't help that your cousin, Kayla, apparently told her mom that her "cousin is coming on her birthday", and she meant you (and today is Kayla's birthday)!

38 weeks

Two weeks until your due date!

Today is also my last day at work, before heading out for maternity leave. I'm definitely ready to be done with work. Things have been so hectic, prepping for my leave. And the last couple of days at work have been full of last minute, unexpected things that have distracted me from getting everything done that I wanted to get done. At this point, I'm just going to have to accept that I can't finish it all.

Hopefully you're not planning on coming within the next couple of days. I have a mile-long to-do list I'm hoping to make some progress on in the next few days or so, in preparation for your arrival. Plus, Daddy decided now would be a good time to tackle a big remodel project in the master bedroom (ripping out walls, doing a whole bunch of electrical work, and then putting everything back together again). I'm feeling kind of anxious about it... but I've decided to just step away from it and let him do his thing. I'm sure it's his form of nesting!

In other news, we got a little trial run to labor & delivery on Wednesday. I had been feeling some sharp pain in my upper right abdomen starting Tuesday night, sometime after dinner. It lasted through the night and into the next day at work. We had an appointment with the doctor that night, so I figured I'd wait and talk to her about it then. But, in the afternoon I got a call from the doctor's office that they needed to cancel my appointment because she had to go to the hospital to deal with multiple deliveries. I ended up calling back to talk to the advice nurse, and told her what I was experiencing (the sharp upper abdominal pain and a duller pain in the same spot on my back). She told me to go to the hospital's emergency room and get checked in to labor & delivery. She said it sounded like it may be a gallbladder issue, but that I should get checked out, and since there were no doctors in the office (they were apparently all at the hospital delivering babies), I needed to go there.

I tried to maintain my calm, and headed home from work a little early. The whole ride home on BART I researched gallbladder issues and pregnancy, so I could mentally prepare. It seemed pretty spot on, symptom-wise, which both was disappointing (because there's really nothing that can be done at this point, and it seems like the common "cure" is surgery to have the gallbladder taken out, which seems awfully extreme as a first step), and somewhat reassuring (because there are much worse things that could be happening). When I arrived home, Daddy was on the phone dealing with an important work matter, so I took a few minutes to (finally!) start packing a hospital bag. I only threw in what I figured I'd need if they admitted me over night, and left everything else at home. I was not planning on having you that night, and if by some chance I did, I figured we only lived 10 minutes from the hospital so we could easily arrange for someone to go get whatever we needed.

Once we got to the hospital they checked me in and wheeled me upstairs to labor and delivery, and got Daddy and I settled into a room. They hooked me up to the fetal monitor and a blood pressure cuff that went off every 15 minutes. They also had me give some urine, and drink some water and apple juice. They seemed mostly concerned with checking me for signs of pre-eclampsia. I guess I had a trace amount of protein in my urine, and the abdominal pain is something that can occur with pre-eclampsia. But, my blood pressure looked fantastic, and I wasn't having any other symptoms, and they did blood work to check my liver and everything came back totally normal. (They checked my platelets too, and it dropped a little bit in the last month from 115k to 107k). The nurse also checked my cervix, and it was "soft" but fully closed. So, no baby that night! Although, I know better than to take that as a sign that we're nowhere near having you (since cervical checks are a poor predictor of labor). Dr. Pham-Thomas came in and released us to go home, and said she suspects it is my gallbladder acting up. She said there's not much to do about it now, except to avoid fatty foods (and then she said "like fried chicken"... and wouldn't you know it, I've been craving fried chicken now for the last couple of days!), and then if it continues after you're born I can look at getting surgery. In the meantime, I'll be researching other ways to deal with the issue.

The pain is still continuing today, but the intensity seems to get better/worse. I've been trying to monitor it a bit, and I think it seems to act up the most about an hour or so after eating. I also have found I can't really lie on my right side anymore, because that seems to hurt it (I'm guessing that it puts pressure on it, making it hurt), and sometimes you'll be pushing around up there and it seems to hurt more then too.